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Posted on 2008.04.02 at 20:05
I have no idea what I am doing. and i only think i know what i want to be doing.

recent evaluations on life

Posted on 2008.04.01 at 21:07
I've become more and more convinced humans are just not meant to go through life alone. Be it your family, friends, or spouse you need someone to come through for you. maybe you dont have it all out of the three above but one of the three. and perhaps i'm viewing this from a very limited perspective but I think thats close to the truth. and I dont think it should be a sign of weakness or dependence to want that or need that as sometimes deciding to be with those who love you and who you love as opposed to venturing out on your own is seen as less glamorous or respectful. and if you dont have that somehow I think you may easily end spending your entire life looking for that, in one form or another. and if you have that you are so blessed. relationships are so precious and sometimes so hard to maintain, and yet potentially some of the most difficult may be the most worthwhile. also interesting are the ones you never expected to form, and bring the most unexpected things. additionally, while we have no control over who we meet, how much control do we have once we enter into those relationships? how do we make sure we don't lose those most important to us?

how is personal growth as an individual balanced with/between growth of relationships when often they seem a conflict of interest in reality though perhaps not in theory

So, you comin?

Posted on 2007.04.19 at 13:23
Current Mood: determineddetermined
Baby, what do you say we just get lost?
Leave this one horse town like two rebels without a cause.
I got people in Boston.
Ain't your daddy still in Des Moines?
We can pack up tomorrow.
Tonight, let's flip a coin

Heads, Carolina Tails, California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where?  It don't matter, as long as we're goin'
Somewhere together.  I've got a quarter.
Heads, Carolina Tails, California.

We can load what we own in the back of a U-haul van.
Couple modern day Moses', searchin for the promised land.
We can go four hundred miles before we stop for gas. 
We can drive for a day, and then we'll take a look at the map.

Heads, Carolina Tails, California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where?  It don't matter, as long as we're goin'
Somewhere together.  I've got a quarter.
Heads, Carolina Tails, California.

We're gonna get outta here if we gotta ride a Greyhound bus.
Boy, we're bound to outrun the bad luck that's tailin' us

Heads, Carolina Tails, California.
Somewhere greener, somewhere warmer.
Up in the mountains, down by the ocean.
Where?  It don't matter, as long as we're goin'
Somewhere together.  I've got a quarter.
Heads, Carolina Tails, California.

~Jo Dee Messina


and it all hits you like a wall of bricks in the face

Posted on 2007.04.01 at 01:31
Current Mood: nervousnervous
Overwhelmed all at once. Federal govt. applications are so intimidating. Hell if I can successfully apply for the job much less get an interview I will be excited. and where should I live... I have to pick 3 places and I have it narrowed down to 5: Chicago, Denver, Research Triangle Park (Chapel Hill area NC), DC, or San Franciso... salary about 48ish a year (so I think SF is out on that basis) but anyone else thoughts. For 2 years I would be there...


and then there is research, and I still havent slept. and we have to beat the Gators (yes this is somehow a form of stress --go figure) and just I so dont know anything about my life to come yet and its terrifying. gah, ok trying to go to bed now.


ps. I really like carrots these days. good stuff. and please tell me, where should I live?

Lets go dancing..

Posted on 2007.03.25 at 18:57
Current Mood: contentcontent
So its been awhile since I've just pasted song lyrics, but this song is just the
embodiment of a lot for the moment.
I dig that.



In the day
In the night
Say it all
Say it right
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonite you tonite

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?


~Nelly Furtado


Left my heart in Florida

Posted on 2007.03.18 at 00:04
Current Mood: thankfulthankful
...lost my equilibrium in the Gulf




this was by far probably one of the most wonderful and amazing experiences I"ve ever had. Go on a cruise during Spring Break if you are of the Spring Break age of course and go with a bunch of people. The waters of the Gulf are incredible.



thats not a desktop background or prepackaged image, I took that photo (as you can tell by the need of cropping I imagine) ... how can I have been there 48 hours ago and am here now? and how is it all over so quick when it was so good...

maybe someone's trying to tell me something...

Posted on 2007.03.11 at 07:39
So I want to apply for this fellowship. I started working on it over winter break, got some of the basic online info done. Got my reference packet sent in last week, over nighted it. Wrote my cover letter, updated my resume. Somehow though its just not workinng out. The info I started online turns out to be only half of the application and they require two smaller essays with any vacancy position along with a bunch of other info for each position... so those have yet to be done as I realized this 2 nites ago but were doable if I had some time. My only time to finish that info is now and last night. I go to do that and the hiring system is down from midnight last night to 3:00pm today. I no longer have internet access after 10:00am today. Guess thats out. Additionally--I overnighted my reference packet. it got there, but hasn't been delivered and will soon get sent back to me and thus be late. How can over night not work?! I waived the signature so no one had to sign for it or anything. Ahhhh. How is this possible? honestly, the entire hiring system is down? what are the odds? ... well now down to realistically two possibilites for the rest of my life. shit.

help!

Posted on 2007.02.17 at 21:12
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
so what would one put in a letter of rec highlighting someone's analytical abilities and leadership potential ? I need to know immediately. any suggestions?

Happy Valentines Day?

Posted on 2007.02.13 at 21:36
Current Mood: numbnumb
and then sometimes how fragile life is, hits you smack dab in the face

Dancing Queen... ( I actually think that song gets annoying after awhile...)

Posted on 2007.02.10 at 02:04
Current Mood: calmcalm
So once again, tonight I had the re-realization I really like to dance. I'm far from good at it, but I really enjoy it. I wish I did it more often with more people and knew how to better. the end.


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